Final Lullaby
by dantesdarkqueen
Summary: Now going into chapters, all of which will be songfics. Fourth Chapter: Cloud forces Tifa to move on, his love for her mixed up with his guilt over hurting her. He tells himself she deserves much better than him...
1. Final Lullaby Reti

**Summary: **My first ReTi fic. The tale of sorrow, from Tifa's betryal of Reno to his booze-induced suicide, and her guilt-ridden spiral into oblivion. Set to the tune and lyrics of Brad Paisley and Allison Kraus' "Whiskey Lullaby."

**Disclaimer: **I don't own FFVII, or this song. Just an idea that has been bugging me non-stop for about five days now. See? I can write without the usage of OCs! And yes, I know I've formatted the song weirdly. Didn't seem to fit if I kept the verses together. Song lyrics are in bold, and sorry if they look weird. is being a bitch for some reason.

Final Lullaby

"So, you're really going to ask her?"

His partner's rarely-heard baritone shocked Reno out of his nostalgic stupor, and he looked at his partner before flashing his customary cocky grin. "Of course I am, yo. She and I are meant to be, y'know. Anyway, she's been expecting it as long as I've been planning it. Just waiting for the right moment, that's all."

Rude smirked, the merest smile tugging at his lips. "And that moment has arrived?"

"Yeah, it has." Reno allowed his memories to sweep him away again, memories of Tifa giving him one more kiss before he left for that mission in Junon with Rude and Elena, her lips soft on his and her arms tightening possessively around his neck. He recalled how serious she had been when she had whispered into his ear _Finish this mission, and keep yourself safe. Then we can start our family._

And surprisingly, the thought of being a daddy wasn't such a frightening one anymore. As long as Tifa was the mother of his brats. He brushed a stray lock of his crimson hair away from his nose and gazed out the window of the truck, wondering anew how the hell he had fallen for her. He, the one Turk unanimously agreed upon as the worst possibility for marriage, the one guaranteed as the last man you wanted to sire your kid. The one Turk who had sworn up and down, a hundred times over, that he would never, _ever_ get married, not in a million years.

And here he was, planning on asking Tifa Lockheart, his girlfriend of two years, to marry him, the ring box a comforting weight in his pocket.

Furthermore, why had she turned down Cloud Strife, the man he could have sworn was going to steal her away before their big break-up a few years back, and chosen a goofball like him? _Tifa deserves better than me, yo. Strife would be a better match for her then I could ever be, _Reno mused moodily.

_But she chose me instead. _

How had he ever gotten so lucky?

"Reno? Reno!" Rude's voice snapped him out of his trance again, and he turned his head to look at the bald Turk again, his expression quizzical. "You're home."

The redhead looked at the entrance to his and Tifa's home, the apartment across the street from Seventh Heaven, and then back at his partner. "So I am. Thanks for the ride, partner."

"No problem. Just don't make her wait too long for that ring, Reno."

"Don't worry. I won't, yo." Reno slammed the door shut and watched Rude drive away. Then he grabbed his bag off the curb, dusted it off, and slung it back over his shoulder. _Honey, I'm home!_

The door was unlocked, which meant Tifa was home. The redhead started to kick the door shut behind him, but then stopped himself and shut it quietly. It was pretty early in the afternoon; Tifa was usually asleep at this time of day, catching a few hours of peaceful rest before the inevitable hectic night at her bar. Maybe he could surprise her in bed. After all, the mission hadn't taken as long as he had originally been told, two weeks as opposed to a month.

He crept up the stairs, careful to avoid the squeaky one. _Won't she be surprised to see me..._

The door to her room was slightly ajar, illuminated by the sunlight streaming through the window. Reno grinned and sneaked closer, his hand nearly touching the knob before he heard Tifa's moan.

_What the...?_

Suddenly afraid, and not sure why, the Turk gently pushed the door open.

Tifa was lying in bed, naked beneath the sheet. And she was not alone.

Cloud Strife was with her, likewise covered only by the sheet. It was obvious what they were doing, and had been for some time.

Reno shrank back from the door in horror, his boot hitting one of the squeaky boards. The couple in the bed turned towards the doorway, and Tifa paled ghost-white when she realized who was in the portal. Cloud smirked.

"Reno..." She grabbed for her clothes, trying to get into them. The Turk didn't want to hear her excuses. He pulled the ring box out of his pocket and flung it on the ground, then turned and bolted, down the stairs and out the door, as fast as he could. He had to get away from this nightmare, away from the woman he loved and the man who had stolen her from him. He'd die if he stayed to hear her excuses.

He couldn't stand it if she knew how badly his heart was breaking.

"Reno!" Tifa threw open the door to the street, half-dressed, only to see the redhead mounting Cloud's bike and driving away as fast as he could. She fell to her knees, tears streaming from her crimson eyes as she held the ring to her forehead. The ring on which he had pinned so much hope. "Reno... I'm sorry... So sorry..."

_**She put him out like the burnin' end of a midnight cigarette.  
She broke his heart. He spent his whole life tryin' to forget.  
**_

Reno slammed the bottle back on the bar, enraged that it was empty again. "Hit me _again_!" he slurred at the bartender, not noticing his former partner creeping into the dark little tavern and sliding onto the stool next to him.

"Sir, I think you've had enough..." the bartender started to say, but stopped when the drunk redhead pounded his fist on the time-polished wood of the bar.

"I came 'ere to drink my friggin' brainsh out. You don' tell me _when I can shtop!_" Reno settled back on his stool, rubbing his head against his hand. "Now, hit me again, goddamit!"

The bartender threw Rude a despairing look, but got nothing from behind the dark sunglasses. With a deep sigh, he brought out another bottle of whiskey, and a second one just to placate the drunk ex-Turk. Reno grabbed the first one and raised it to his lips, taking a healthy swig of the amber-colored liquid.

Rude reached out and put a hand on the redhead's shoulder, a gesture calculated to be non-threatening. Reno may have been kicked out of the Turks, but he still possessed the instincts of a killer, and the combat-training to go with it. "Reno, you have to stop doing this to yourself. You're going to die if you don't stop."

Reno glared at him through one red-veined eye, the vivid green iris strangely beautiful in its unhealthy setting. "Maybe that'sh what I _want_, Rude."

The bald Turk felt pity course through him as he watched his former partner drain the bottle. He knew full well why Reno was killing himself slowly, drowning himself in self-pity and cheap booze. He knew why Reno hadn't put up a fight when Rufus and Tseng had fired him for his apathetic attitude and poor performance in a job he had once excelled at. He knew why his partner had gone from the best Turk there was to a pathetic has-been, squandering his precious income on whiskey every single night.

The memory of Tifa Lockheart still haunted him.

Despite her betrayal, Reno was still in love with her.

_**We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time.  
But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind.**_

"STOP HAUNTING ME!!!" Reno screamed, head thrown back to the sky and hands fisted in his limp red hair. Rain splashed down on his upturned face, mingling with his tears and falling to soak his dirt-encrusted shirt. He curled on the asphalt, arms cradling his head while sobs wracked his lean body. "Just... Leave me alone... Let me forget you..."

The vision didn't go away. He could still see _them _together in that bed, _her_ arms and legs twining around _his _body, the voice he missed so much breathlessly begging _him _to go faster. He hadn't seen it exactly like that, but he could still imagine it. Cloud Strife in bed with _her. _Reno's woman.

"Leave me alone..." He crawled over to the wall and hitched himself up against it, leaning his back against the rain-washed brick and curling his arms around his legs, resting his head on his knees. This was why he spent so much time drinking. When he was sober, he just couldn't stop crying. Couldn't stop remembering, unless he was shit-faced. He couldn't find peace unless he was unconscious, incapable of remembering. "I don't want to remember you, Tifa. I don't..."

At the mouth of the alley, a silhouette watched the drama, the lightening flashing off a pair of expensive black sunglasses. Behind the glasses, eyes the color of warm honey were brimming with tears.

_**Until the night...**_

Reno sat on his filthy mattress with just the stub of a candle to light the room. In his hands was a picture of the woman he had loved, the woman he _still _loved. She was still as beautiful, as perfect as always, smiling up at him from the simple wooden frame.

The same could not be said of the ex-Turk. Reno had once been a head-turner, a really handsome guy with ripped muscles that girls would beg to get with (and had, on many occasions). But now... His muscles were long gone; he was practically a walking skeleton now. His crimson hair, long admired by smitten women and jealous men alike, was now limp and lifeless, more a sickly orange than the once-vibrant red. He was so pale now that his scars looked as fresh and new as the day he had recieved them, almost like some kid had drawn them on his face with a red magic marker. He looked, and felt, like shit.

_I can't do this anymore..._

One thing he had been certain to do before leaving the Turks was to sneak a weapon out. He had been forced to turn his electro-mag rod in, but he had managed to get his hands on a small pistol and slip it into his jacket. That gun lay on his mattress beside him, a single bullet in the cylinder.

One bullet was all that he would need.

He looked at the picture one more time, then set it gently on the floor where he could see it from the pillow. With a scrap of paper he had fished out of somebody's garbage and a broken pencil, he wrote one final note.

_Sorry Rude, but I just can't go on anymore. I know you'll be the one to find me. Forgive me, but... I love her, man. And I just can't forget her. Good-bye, partner, -Reno_

That done, he threw the pencil across the room, the filthy little hovel he rented at a dirt-cheap price because the landlady was an old friend of his mother. He had made sure to give her the month's rent the day before. He didn't want to cause her too much anxiety. It would be bad enough that his dead ass would be found in her house, after all.

One last swig of whiskey, and the bottle was tossed to the floor. Reno picked up the pistol, and clicked the cylinder until the bullet was in the firing chamber. The note was tucked beneath _her_ picture with utmost care, the backs of his fingers brushing over the cool glass one final time. Lying on his stomach, the redhead put the gun's muzzle against his forehead, dead center.

His bloodshot eyes turned to the picture one more time as his finger began to tighten on the trigger.

_Good-bye... Tifa. _

Downstairs, Rude flinched as a single shot exploded into the air.

_**He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger,  
And finally drank away her memory.  
Life is short but this time it was bigger  
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees.  
We found him with his face down in the pillow,  
With a note that said 'I'll love her till I die.'**_

Rude looked over the people standing around the lonely grave beneath the tree, and felt unfathomably sad. Reno had always loved this spot, this small park Rufus' money had paid for in Edge. A willow tree overlooking a lake, surrounded by cool green grass. If he had had a hard day at work, he would invariably be sitting beneath this tree, just watching the moon sparkling across the water. This was Reno's thinking spot, his sanctuary of peace.

And now it was his grave.

Everyone had come to pay their final respects. Rufus, the Turks, the members of AVALANCHE (except Cloud; he was not welcome here at the funeral), and Reeve had all shown up. Reno may not have ever believed it, but there were people who cared about him aside from Rude, people who had worried about him after Tifa cheated on him, and would miss him now that he was gone.

But the one person who would miss him the most was conspicuously missing from the funeral. Rude thought he understood. She was the sole reason Reno had gone down so hard, so badly.

And she knew it.

So Rude waited until sundown before he visited the grave again, alone. And as he suspected, she was there, kneeling before the marker with a rose in her hand. He ducked behind one of the neighboring trees, hoping that she hadn't seen him.

It seemed that she hadn't. Tifa brushed her fingers across the gravestone, and set the blood-red rose carefully across the top. Even at this distance, Rude could tell that she was crying. "I'm so sorry, Reno... I never should have let Cloud in the house... I knew you were coming back, I shouldn't have given in... I never loved him, Reno. It was you, all along. I loved you." She collapsed against the marker, wrapping her arms around the cold gray stone and crying with all the pain of her broken heart. "I always loved you... And now I've lost you...

"I'm so sorry... Please... Forgive me!"

_**And when we buried him beneath the willow,  
The angels sang a whiskey lullaby.**_

The months passed slowly for Tifa. She had at least been able to hold it together while _he _was alive, but now that he was gone, she gradually broke down. At first, it was just a few sips sneaked from the whiskey bottles in the back of the bar, just to 'keep her strength up.' But then she started swiping entire bottles, then entire cases. She stopped showing up for work, preferring to stay in her room in the apartment with only the whiskey for company. She tried to go about her daily life, hiding her pain beneath her usual cheerful smile, the dark circles under her eyes concealed by makeup. She stopped eating, she stopped going to work.

She stopped caring.

Barret, Yuffie, and all the other members of AVALANCHE tried to talk her out of her obsession with the bottle, all in their own various fashions, but at long last they just stopped coming around. Cloud tried to bring her back from the brink, talking to her as though they were friends again, but she threw him bodily out onto the street and screamed that he had ruined her life, that she never wanted to see his face again.

One by one, all of her friends just gave up on her.

They stopped trying to help her, because she stopped caring about herself.

**_The rumors flew but nobody know how much she blamed herself.  
For years and years, she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath_.**

Rude tried to keep tabs on Tifa over the years, out of loyalty to Reno. He watched Seventh Heaven gradually fall to ruin, saw the stream of people going to visit the martial artist trickle to a halt. Eventually, even Vincent stopped checking up on her. He stood helplessly by while she sank deeper and deeper into depression, the bottles of amber fluid her constant companions and only comfort.

He was watching outside her window one night, observing her through a pair of binoculars, when he witnessed one of her depressive crying-fits. She was lying on the sofa with her feet propped up on the coffee table, drinking sporadically from some of the bottles scattered across the cushions around her, watching an action flick. When the heroine and her partner realized that they were in love and possibly going to die during their next battle, Tifa threw one of the bottles at the screen. Predictably, the bottle impaled the television and the set exploded.

But Tifa didn't seem to care. She instead curled up on the couch with her head in her hands, shoulders shaking so hard that Rude knew she was crying again. Carefully, he adjusted the microphone in his ear so the bug he had planted in her apartment would transmit whatever she might be muttering.

"Why can't I forget you, Reno? I've tried. Holy knows, I've _tried!_ But I can't! I just can't!" He heard her crying even more, the sound muffled due to her hands over her face. And then...

"I swear, if I could take back one thing, it would be that day. I don't care how long it was, I should never have allowed Cloud to seduce me. What he and I had was good, it was hot, but what you and I had was hotter, better! I don't know what came over me, but if there was anything I could do to bring you back, to take back that day, I would do it! No matter what the price; I don't _care_ what the price is!

"I just want you back..."

Then Rude saw her grab some of the bottles, and knew that she was going to drink herself into unconsciousness again, a desperate bid to forget the memories of her time with his ex-partner, a gamble to erase her memory of that ill-fated encounter with her former friend and leader.

He lowered the binoculars and clicked off the microphone. He had witnessed that scene far more times than he ever cared to admit.

_**She finally drank her pain away a little at a time.  
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind.**_

"I'm SORRY!" Tifa pounded the pillow with her fist, unable to get some sleep because every time she closed her eyes memories of Reno came to the forefront of her subconscious. Memories of the sweet things he had done for her, his annoying idiosyncracies that drove her absolutely insane. Recollections of long nights in his arms, rolling around on the sheets and sharing the shower with him. All those times he had come up behind her while she was cooking or working at the bar, wrapping his arms around her waist and nuzzling her hair, kissing her neck or temple while she relaxed against the lean, solid heat of his body.

The hated memory of his face, a picture of horror and dismay, watching her and Cloud having sex on _their _bed. The memory of his jacket flapping behind him while he fled down the stairs and stole Fenrir, riding away from her as fast as the bike could go.

"I burned that bed! I threw Cloud out of my life! What more do you _want _from me? What do I have to do to sleep in peace?" She fell back against the pillow, crying from frustration and constant heart-break. "Reno... I'd take it back if I could!"

Her hand reached up to her neckline, dug into her leather vest until she located the object of her torment, the reminder of all that she could have had, and brought it out so the starlight shone full upon it.

A silver ring, set with a perfect pearl.

The same ring Reno had thrown at her when he had discovered her and Cloud all those years ago. She had kept it ever since, and thought of it as her penance. She had the ring, but not what could have come with it.

The ring, but not the man.

"Reno... I miss you..." Tears slipped silently down her cheeks as she stared at the ring, turning it slowly around its chain. "Forgive me... Please forgive me..."

_**Until the night...**_

Tifa watched her reflection in the mirror over the sink as the tub filled with water, noticing how dull her once-glossy hair was, how thin her skin seemed. She was only skin and bones now, her once-ogled breasts far too large on her skeletal frame. Her eyes were now a general red; she could hardly tell where the irises ended and the 'whites' began. She would die if she didn't start consuming something other than whiskey soon.

That mattered not to her.

She was planning on speeding up the process in a few minutes.

The bath was done. Tifa dropped her towel and slid into the tub, reaching for the tools of her demise. _His_ razor, sharpened until she could split hairs with it, and a framed picture of the redhead she loved and lost. A suicide note was unnecessary, as far as she was concerned. There would be nobody coming to check up on her. She had driven them all away months ago.

"Reno... I'll see you soon."

She set the picture on the edge of the tub and flipped open the razor, baring her right wrist to its gleaming edge. It hurt, to slice so deeply into her wrist, but compared to the pain in her heart it was but a pittance. The blood flowed thick and fast, fueled by the fast beating of her heart, turning the water the same deep ruby as her eyes.

The process only quickened when she cut into her other wrist, wanting to end it as fast as possible.

Feeling her lifeblood leaving her, Tifa grabbed his picture and hugged it to her chest.

"I love you..."

Opening her mouth, the broken woman slipped beneath the surface of her bloody bath and accepted the water into her lungs without a fight.

_**She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger,  
And finally drank away his memory.  
Life is short but this time it was bigger  
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees. **_

_**We found her with her face down in the pillow,  
Clinging to his picture for dear life.  
**_

Rude found her, when his bug failed to confirm that she was in the apartment. The scent of rancid blood alerted him to the disaster awaiting him, and he followed it to the bathroom.

It was there that he found her, laying in a tubful of bloody water, a picture of Reno clutched tightly in her arms. The ring his ex-partner had shown him, the ring he had purchased as an engagement ring, was lying between her breasts on a silver chain, the once-pristine pearl stained the color of her blood.

As though the ring had bled along with both of its owners.

_**We laid her next to him **_

_**Beneath the willow **_

_**While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby.**_

Marlene looked at the grave of her friend Tifa Lockheart with sorrow in her heart, holding tightly to the bouquet of lilies she had gathered for this exact purpose. Tifa had been buried next to that redhaired guy she liked, Reno, and everyone had come to her funeral, as expected. Even Cloud had come to pay his final respects, although his farewell consisted of standing over her grave and staring at the marker. Marlene knew that he felt guilty about her death, as he did over that one woman, Aerith.

She turned away from the graves and walked to the lake, knowing that her father was too busy trying to act tough and not cry to pay much attention to her at the moment. She just wanted a few moments alone with her thoughts.

But to her astonishment, she realized that she was not alone.

In the shade of the willow, where none of the others would see them, were Reno and Tifa. They looked as healthy as they had before Reno had gone off on that last mission to Junon, and they were _smiling_.

"I don't care about what happened anymore, Tifa. I missed you, and I love you. That's all that matters."

"I know. We suffered too much when we were apart. It doesn't matter what I did, or how you reacted." She moved into his open arms, wrapping her own around his waist and burying her face in his chest. "I was stupid to give in to him."

"And I was stupid to let you go like that." His arms closed around her, tangled in her hair while he nuzzled the top of her head. "I couldn't live without you."

"Neither could I." She pressed closer to him, a smile on her face. "Don't leave me again."

"I won't, Tifa. I promise. But you have to stay with me too."

"I will." She raised her head and kissed him, a gentle caressing of their lips. "I love you too, Reno."

Marlene watched as they faded away into white light, then felt Denzel's hand on her shoulder. "What happened, Marlene? Where did they go?"

She smiled, then turned away to return to her father. He was probably worried about her now. "They've returned to the Lifestream, Denzel. They've forgiven each other, and they love each other.

"And they are together."


	2. It Can't Be Over ClotiClerith

**Summary: **Tifa can only take so much of Cloud's moping over Aerith. Sure, the Cetra was her best friend, but Cloud was supposed to have been her man, not Aerith's! It especially hurts when he leaves to try and find the dead woman, leaving Tifa behind. But will Cloud come to his senses and realize who he really loves? Or will Tifa lose everything she has ever dreamed of having?

**Disclaimer: **As stated on numerous occasions, I do not own FFVII. I wish I did, but I don't. I also don't own the rights to this song; I'm just borrowing it from Daughtry for the purpose of this fic. And yes, I know the song lyrics kinda look funny. The computer seems to be a real bitch when it comes to keeping the verses together.

**Queen's Quornor: **I know, I know. "Final Lullaby" was supposed to be a oneshot for Reno and Tifa. However, I got to thinking about music that seemed to reflect goings-on in the FFVII-verse, and the muses struck again. I've got a lot of other ideas, and with time and patience (assuming I can herd my bratty little sister off the computer), I'll be able to get them down. I really must thank Mourningwillow for renewing my interest in songfics. She/he gave me my ONLY review for "Final Lullaby," a fic I spent hours trying to get just right. So, thank you Mourningwillow! Enjoy the fic! Oh, and sorry if it seems a bit rushed. I have to get off the computer before my Ebay-fanatic mother takes over again.

It Can't Be Over

Tifa had never felt so miserable in her life. Not once. Not even when Sephiroth had murdered her beloved father. That was anger-pain, sharp and hard-hitting. This was something entirely different.

This was a broken heart.

Cloud had left earlier, saying that he was going to look for Aerith. Tifa had tried to talk him out of it, reminding him that she was dead, irrevocably gone, lost to the Lifestream. But the spiky-haired fighter just wouldn't take no for an answer; he was utterly convinced that Aerith was somewhere out there, alive and waiting for him. And if she was, he was not going to let her down by never showing up.

_"But what about our life here?"_ Tifa had pleaded. "_What about Denzel? What about Marlene? What about the delivery service? _

_"What about me?"_

His back had remained facing her. _"What about you, Tifa?"_

It had hit home, then, that perhaps he had never truly loved her. Maybe all they had ever had was merely friendship and lust disguised as love. Deep in her heart, Tifa knew that was not the case. She had always loved him. Only him.

But in the face of his departure for another woman – a _dead_ woman – she was unable to deal with the concept that her love was to be forever unrequited.

And so she sat on her bed, biting her fist to keep from crying as memories of their life together, the good times only, flooded her mind.

She didn't want the children to hear her cry.

_I was blown away. __What could I say?  
It all seemed to make sense.  
You've taken away everything,  
And I can't deal with that._

She tried to remain cheerful. She tried so damn hard to keep smiling, telling herself and the kids that Cloud would be back soon. But as days passed, turning slowly into weeks, then months, her hope began to diminish. It was really hard for her to look Marlene and Denzel straight in the face and tell them that Cloud really was coming back, when she wasn't so sure of that anymore herself.

Why was he chasing a dead woman? Wasn't she good enough for him? What did Cloud see in Aerith that he didn't see in her?

And why, she kept asking herself, did she keep waiting around for him? Sure, they were lovers now; she had given him her virginity, as well as her heart, and that really meant something to her. It meant that she belonged to him, and nobody could ever take that away from either of them.

Obviously, it didn't mean the same to Cloud.

Even in death, Aerith still came between them.

_I try to see the good in life,  
But good things in life are hard to find.  
We'll blow it away, blow it away.  
Can we make this something good?  
Well, I'll try to do it right this time around._

Cloud kept searching for her, certain that she was alive and well somewhere. It was a feverish obsession for him, to find the woman he loved and stay with her forever, to protect her as he had promised.

He had failed her once. He refused to fail her again.

He was so tired of searching. He wanted to just find her and take her back to Edge, to live with her as he had dreamed for so long. With her by his side, in a house of their own, with as many children as he could give her.

A part of him had died with her that day, when Sephiroth had stabbed her. But now there was a chance that he could have that piece of himself back, along with the woman he loved.

Zooming towards the Forgotten City on Fenrir, his mind began to wander and an involuntary plea escaped his lips.

"Aerith, where _are_ you?"

_Let's start over.  
I'll try to do it right this time around.  
It's not over.  
'Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground. __This love is killing me,  
But you're the only one.  
It's not over_.

Tifa cleaned the glasses slowly, methodically. This was routine to her now; she didn't have to think about it, which left her mind wide open to other subjects.

Like Cloud.

She wondered where he was now, and what he was doing. Was he happy? Was he safe?

Was he thinking of her?

An involuntary snarl left her. No, he was probably thinking about _Aerith_.

Tifa had begun to hate the Cetra. Yes, Aerith had been a wonderful friend and amazingly brave woman. She had been Tifa's only confidante in the short time they had known each other, and Tifa knew her to be utterly trustworthy and loyal. But the problem was that, in death, her memory was more of a curse than a blessing. Before Cloud had met her, Tifa had been certain that they would be together. He had saved her in the mako reactor, hadn't he? He'd kept his promise; that had to count for something, right?

But after Aerith had come into his life, Cloud had drifted away from Tifa. The martial artist had tried to write it off as simple infatuation, and convinced herself that he would come back to her eventually. When the other woman had been killed, she had secretly been relieved; with her competition out of the way, the blond warrior would come right back to her, where he belonged.

It hadn't worked out that way. First had been the Geostigma incident, and now this.

Throwing the rag back into the sink, Tifa sank down behind the bar and laid her head on her knees, her long hair falling to shield her tears from the world.

"What does it take to make you stay here with me?" she whispered brokenly. "I've waited for so many years, waited for you to realize that we're meant to be together. But you just keep pushing me away, always chasing after ghosts.

"Cloud, I can't take it anymore. Waiting for you is killing me. I have a life of my own, and I can't spend it just waiting for you. If you're not willing to accept me and what I'm willing to give you, what I've _already _given you, then I'm willing to look for somebody else. Somebody who _will_."

Raising her hand, Tifa pulled a ring off her finger. It was a ring Cloud had given her several months ago, on Valentine's Day. A promise ring. His promise that he would remain faithful and committed to her, and eventually marry her.

After clutching the ring in her fist for a long moment, she dropped the ring in her pocket. If he wasn't going to keep his promise, then she wasn't going to wear his ring.

_Taken all I could take,  
And I cannot wait.  
We're wasting too much time  
Being strong, holding on.  
Can't let it bring us down_.

Cloud parked Fenrir outside the Forgotten City and merely sat astride it for a while, looking up at the ghost-pale buildings with something akin to reverence. These buildings had witnessed Aerith's greatest trial, her greatest victory.

As well as his greatest failure.

Cloud pushed the thought away and dismounted the bike, his sword firmly in place against his back where it belonged. He had a fairly good idea of where Aerith might be, and so he wanted to check that location first.

As he walked, memories overwhelmed him. Recollections of the otherworldly woman's bright smile, her sunny personality. She was always so cheerful, so brave, even in the face of terrible danger. How many times had she sat up with him, talking to him about little things to get his mind off his obsessive search for Sephiroth when he felt so empty, so lost? He had lost count of those nights, but he cherished every single one of them.

He was so lost without her. He needed her back in his life. She was his guidance, the only thing that he truly loved.

A sudden memory of Tifa's bright smile popped into his head. Surprised as to why he should be thinking of her, he shook his head and continued onward.

_My life with you means everything,  
So I won't give up that easily.  
I'll blow it away, blow it away.  
Can we make this something good?  
'Cause it's all misunderstood.  
Well, I'll try to do it right this time around._

Tifa honestly didn't know what had gotten into her. She had invited Reno to share a few extra drinks with her, and he had eagerly accepted. The redhead was always looking for an opportunity to get into her pants, constantly flirting with her. A gentle smile crossed her face as she remembered the many occasions when Cloud had gotten possessive and bodily thrown the Turk out onto the street.

_Cloud._ Why was she thinking of him now? She was supposed to be getting plastered with Reno.

Reno finished off his beer and looked at her, his eyes surprisingly clear for a man who had consumed enough alcohol to knock out Weapon. "Tifa, what's wrong? You never drink this much."

She looked at him, her emotions swimming, swirling, then threw her arms around him and started crying. Reno was stunned, but reached around her to rub her back soothingly as she began to pour her heart out to him.

"Cloud left again, Reno. He said he'd never leave me again, he _promised_ he wouldn't! But he still left! And do you know why? He went to look for _her! _For Aerith! She's dead, but he still thinks she's alive out there, and that he loves her!" Sobbing violently, she buried her face against Reno's chest, soaking his shirt with her tears. "What does she have that I don't? What is it about her that he doesn't see in me? Why can't he just be happy with _me?_"

Reno had never been good with women's emotions. Normally, he just fucked them; he didn't talk to them. But Tifa had become a sort of friend, and he didn't want to just leave her like this. "Tifa, look." He lifted her head out of his chest and used the bar rag to wipe her eyes. "I can't answer for Cloud. But I can tell you this: he's crazy to go out looking for a dead woman when you're here, waiting for him. You love him; anybody can see that. He'd see that too, if he'd just get his head out of his ass and actually look at you."

Tifa couldn't stop a giggle at that comment, or more specifically, at the mental image that came with it. But her laughter soon left, and she was miserable again. "I've tried to show him, Reno. I've tried so many times. And I thought he saw it, that he felt the same way. But now…" She closed her eyes, and another tear slipped down her cheek. "I just don't know what to think anymore."

"Just be patient." Reno held her chin, made her look into his eyes. "He'll come around. And when he does, it'll be everything you ever hoped for."

Tifa sniffed. "You really think so?"  
"Babe, I know so." Reno got up and slung her arm over his shoulder, helping her up the stairs and depositing her on her bed. After making sure she got under the covers, he turned to leave. Tifa sat up.

"Don't you want to stay the night?" Reno turned to look at her, noted the desperation in her ruby eyes.

He turned away and closed the door behind him. "I don't sleep with another man's woman."

_Let's start over.  
I'll try to do it right this time around.  
It's not over.  
'Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground_

The altar was exactly as he remembered, Aerith's blood still spattered across the snow-white coral. The same gentle peace still covered the area, a peace the forbid sound.

But sound did come, shattering the quiet.

Cloud's boots clicked as he walked to the altar, approaching the site of his dreams and his nightmares with a confidence he did not feel. She was supposed to be here. Where was she?

"Aerith? Are you here?"

_Yes._

The familiar voice did not echo along the walls and ceiling, ripple along the still waters, as his had. He heard her speak only through the realm of his mind. But it was not a musing of a tired, hopeful consciousness; she was projecting her thoughts into his head so he could hear her.

"Where are you?" Yes! She was here! He had known she was here. Soon she would be with him again, and they could have their life together. Just as he had always dreamed.

She appeared before him suddenly, standing in front of him with a sad smile on her pretty face. Exactly the same as he remembered her. Cloud reached out to her, but she took a step back, raising a hand to ward him off. _I can't, Cloud. _

His face fell. "Why not?"

_Because this isn't really me. It's just an image I can project from the Lifestream, and it will not last forever. Less than an hour, in fact. If you touch it, it will dissipate and go away. _

"So where are you, then?"

She sighed. _Cloud, you know where I am. I am dead._

_This love is killing me,  
But you're the only one.  
It's not over._

"You're _not_ dead. You're not!" He refused to believe it. She was alive! The proof was right in front of him!

_Yes, I am. You watched me die; you know I am. _

"You are not dead!" He raced for her, threw his arms around her in a hard embrace…

And then stared at his arms as she vanished with a soft _pop!_

"Aerith?" He sounded so small then, and he knew it. He sounded almost…

Pathetic.

_Cloud, you're not pathetic. You're just afraid. Afraid to let me go, and afraid to love. _

"Afraid to love? What do you mean? I love you!"

_You're wrong, Cloud. It's not me that you love. But you're afraid of loving her, afraid that if you do love her, you'll lose her. That you won't be what she expects. _

"What are you talking about?"

_Look._

He felt something cool and soft brush against his brow, and suddenly he was consumed by memories. Recollections of a gentle, warm smile and a strong hand on his shoulder. A pair of loving red eyes staring directly into his own as their owner leaned in close for a kiss. Nights of passion, of rolling around with her under and atop the covers, her moans and cries pushing him past the gates of heaven. The sweet weight of her body laying atop him, so beautiful and peaceful in repose. The fierce concentration on her perfect face as she sparred with him, pulling no punches just because they were play-fighting. Her fingers interlaced with his as he pressed her into the bed, for the very first time.

"_Tifa._" The name escaped his lips unbidden, his stomach clenching painfully as he realized what he had done.

_See? She's the one you love, Cloud. But you're so afraid of hurting her that you're chasing after me instead. Well, you've hurt her now by leaving, when you promised you wouldn't. _

How had he ever been so blind?

_But now you can see. Go back to her, Cloud. Show her that you really do care. I'm with the one I love; you both deserve that too. _

She smiled sadly as he ran off, with a new mission in mind.

He had someone he needed to see.

_We can't let this get away.  
Let it out, let it out.  
Don't get caught up in yourself.  
Let it out_

Tifa was crying again. It seemed that all she ever did these days was cry, but she just couldn't help it. Ever since Cloud had left, nothing seemed to really matter anymore. Absolutely nothing.

As the old saying went, her life just seemed empty without him by her side.

Barret had taken the kids to the Golden Saucer for the weekend, to give her a chance to get herself together. But it didn't seem to be working. Though she tried to keep herself together and put up a brave front, Tifa knew she was falling apart on the inside. And like a mirror that had been shattered, she just couldn't put herself back together.

"Cloud…" she sobbed into her pillow. She was a mess and she knew it. "Please come home. Please."

A door slammed downstairs.

_Let's start over.  
I'll try to do it right this time around.  
It's not over.  
'Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground.  
This love is killing me,  
But you're the only one.  
It's not over._

She jerked upright. The door to the bar had been locked. So how had someone gotten inside?

Someone was thumping around downstairs, approaching the stairs. Tifa got off the bed and tiptoed outside her bedroom, taking up a position just beside the stairwell, where she would not be immediately spotted. The intruder was coming up the stairs, bypassing the cash register entirely. So his goal was her? A would-be rapist, perhaps?

She'd teach him not to mess with Tifa Lockhart.

Just as the intruder's foot hit the top step, she kicked out at him from around the corner, aiming for the area where she judged his midsection to be. There was a satisfactory _oof!_ followed by the sounds of a large, heavy man falling down the stairs. Tifa was preparing to rush down the stairs and throw him out when a familiar, breathless voice froze her in her tracks.

"Tifa, it's me!"

It couldn't be. It just wasn't… Not after so much time…

He hit the wall opposite the stairs with a painful _bam!_ and the rattle of glasses shaking in her bar. Realization hit just as hard as he had, and Tifa covered her mouth with her hands. She had just…

"Cloud!" She was by his side an instant later, as contrite as she had ever been. "I am so sorry! I didn't know it was you!"

In reply, she found his hand fisted in her hair and his mouth suddenly devouring hers.

_Let's start over.  
It's not over, yeah...  
This love is killing me,  
But you're the only one._

The kiss stunned her at first, but she quickly melted against him. She didn't care what he was doing back here, but it didn't matter to her. All that mattered was that he was with her.

But the kiss broke as soon as he took her hand in his. He looked at her hand, then into her eyes. "What happened to my ring?"

She blushed and looked down, afraid to meet his eyes. "You went away, and I thought… What was the point of wearing a promise ring if the promise was broken?"

"Tifa… I'm sorry." Cloud reached into his pocket for something. "I was having some problems. It took awhile, but I finally got some facts pounded into my thick head. And one of those facts is that I love you, and I'm never leaving you like that ever again."

She stared at him, speechless. She had told him that she loved him before, but he had never replied in kind. And now…

"I can understand why you don't want to wear my ring. But if it's all right with you, could you wear this one instead?" He pulled something out of his pocket and opened a small velvet box, revealing a ring set with a single ruby, a pearl on either side.

In response, Tifa threw herself on him and wrapped one arm around his neck, kissing him frantically. The other hand was placed in his, and as he kissed her, he wrestled the ring out of its box and onto her left hand. _Mrs. Tifa Strife_, she thought happily. _I like the sound of that!_

All thought soon fled as he showed her just how much he loved her, how much he had missed her during their time apart.

_It's not over._


	3. Daddy's Little Girl Barret & Marlene

**Summary: **Barret loves his little girl, but he almost never gets to see her. His time is spent atoning to the Planet for sins that torment him through the years, trying to find a new energy source to replace mako power. But each moment he spends with Marlene is precious, a point that is driven home as time passes and age creeps up on him.

**Disclaimer: **I keep wishin', and hopin', and prayin', etc. Sadly, it just ain't workin'. I still don't own Final Fantasy VII. Nor do I own "Butterfly Kisses." Square Enix, Bob Carlisle... Give them to me! Now!

**Queen's Quornor: **Ok, I know the last chapter wasn't really up to the level of the original "Final Lullaby" chapter. But I've still got a ton of ideas, so let's hope I can pull another piece of literary beauty out of the ol' noggin. Unlike the others, this one isn't a romance, though there are plenty more of those sketched out with their appropriate songs still to come. What we have here is a bit of father/adopted daughter fluff. I figure that Barrett really is a tough guy, but he lets his guard down around Marlene a little. All fathers who care do, even if the child in question isn't his biological one.

Daddy's Little Girl

"Daddy! You're back!" Barrett barely had enough time to open his arms before a small white-and-pink blur tackled him, with enough force behind it to nearly knock him over onto the floor. Tifa and Denzel watched in amusement as Marlene practically strangled her father hugging him, her thin little arms much stronger than they appeared.

"Yes, Marlene. I'm back." She really wasn't that heavy. Barrett managed to pick her up and set her on his shoulder, so her head nearly hit the ceiling. He'd have to make sure he didn't hit the fans spinning overhead. Tifa, seeing the problem, hit the switch that turned the fans off. Leaning back against the bar with crossed arms and an amused smile, she questioned Barrett.

"So how's the search for oil going?"

"It's goin' great, Tifa. Just great! A few gremlins in the machinery, but other than that, we're green!" He gazed fondly up at the little girl on his shoulder. "I've gotta few days to myself while Cid does the drillin', so I'm gonna spend 'em with my lil' girl."

"Well, that's good. Any particular destinations in mind?"

"Chocobo Farm, and Golden Saucer."

"The Golden Saucer? Really?" Marlene threw her arms around her father's head, hugging it for all she was worth. Barrett felt like his skull was about to be crushed, but he bore it with a grin. He didn't get to see his adopted daughter that much anymore; too much of his time was spent atoning for sins committed years before.

But whenever he could find the time to come see her, it always seemed like those were the brightest, happiest moments of his life.

_There's two things I know for sure:  
She was sent here from heaven and she's  
daddy's little girl._

"Daddy, you'll still be here in the morning, right?" Marlene inquired. Barrett looked at her in surprise; where had that question come from? He was free from his duties for at least a week and a half. He wasn't going anywhere yet.

"No way, Marlene. I'm stayin' right here, just like I said I would." He put "Charlie the Golden Chocobo" back on the bookshelf and sat on the side of her bed, reaching out to ruffle her silky hair. "What makes you think I would sneak off like some rat in the middle of the night?"

She looked down at the stuffed moogle she held in her lap. "Well, Cloud sometimes does that."

Some fatherly influence Spiky was. But then again, Barrett wasn't one to judge. He wasn't around much either. "Well, I ain't Cloud. I don' run no da- I mean, _dang_ delivery service neither. I told you I'd take you to the Chocobo Farm and the Golden Saucer, and I mean to do that. Now, it's late and Tifa's not goin' to be too happy with me if you don' get to sleep real soon. So why don' you say good night to Aerith, and go to sleep, all right?"

Marlene nodded, then bowed her head and closed her eyes. This was a routine she had developed shortly after Barrett had come to see her before the assault on the Northern Crater two years ago, when he had had to tell her and Elymra that Aerith had been killed. At night before she went to sleep, the little girl would talk to her friend. Tell her how her day had gone and what Cloud and Tifa were up to. The Cetra never answered, but Barrett somehow knew she was listening. As he left the room and shut the door behind him, he heard Marlene start telling Aerith about how her daddy had come home today and that he was going to let her ride a chocobo soon.

Barrett knew he still wasn't worthy of holding Marlene. Still too much blood on his hands for an innocent little girl like her.

But he wasn't going to break the trust Dyne had placed in him. Slowly but surely, the blood was coming off.

_As I drop to my knees by her bed at night  
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes and  
I thank god for all the joy in my life_

"Daddy, don't let go of him!" Marlene commanded as Chocobo Bill lifted her up onto the back of one of his older birds. It was her first time ever being on a chocobo, and like most kids she was both excited and a little scared. Settled in the saddle, she reached out and took hold of the horn on the front of it for security. "Ok, I'm ready."

Barret gave the reins to the other man and stepped back, away from the bird. Bill started to lead the chocobo around the arena, but Marlene stopped him.

She twisted around in the saddle to give a Look to her father. "Daddy, stay with me. Just until I get the hang of it."

"Sure thing, Marlene." Barret joined the trio and paced the bird easily, staying beside it with his left hand on her back. True to expectations, the chocobo didn't try anything funny; it was perfectly happy to just walk around the enclosure all day if its owner wanted it to.

But even if it was just a calm, placid ride, Marlene was having a blast. And really, that was the point of this whole trip. Just to make her smile for her daddy.

_Oh, but most of all  
For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer;  
sticking little white flowers all up in her  
hair; "Walk beside the pony, Daddy, it's my first ride."  
"I know the cake looks funny, Daddy, but I sure tried."_

Marlene would never know how much time Barret spent pondering her. She was the type of girl any man or woman would want for a daughter: obedient, kind, sharp, and wiser than most adults. She was much like her mother in that regard. Dyne's wife had always been one of the more tender-hearted people around Corel Town, and more adept at sorting through facts and lies to come up with an astute answer than most.

But like her father, the little girl could be rash and impetuous. Barret had only to recall the story Cloud had told him about Marlene running away from Kadaj's gang to find him to remind himself of that trait in her.

She was strong, and brave. One day she would grow up to be a fine young lady, probably one that would have to beat the men off with a stick.

Barret didn't deserve her. Yes, he had adopted her and was raising her like his own. But he had taken so many lives during his years in AVALANCHE, had encouraged Cid to make use of mako power until they could figure out how to use oil more effectively... In the end, he had even been forced to kill (sort of) Dyne, Marlene's real daddy. He was almost never around, always on the road so many miles away from her.

What kind of a father was that?

But Marlene still loved him. And maybe, when it came right down to it, that's what made him worthy.

_In all that I've done wrong I know I must  
have done something right to deserve a hug  
every morning and butterfly kisses at night._

The years passed all too quickly, and suddenly Marlene's sixteenth birthday had arrived. Barret had managed to get some time away from the oil processing plant in Rocket Town so he could be there for the celebration, and as she blew out the candles on her cake he had to wonder at her. Marlene had shot up in the past few years, so she was nearly as tall as Cloud now. Her hair had grown to the point where she had to swipe it out of the way before taking a seat, lest she sit on it. She was wearing makeup now, just enough to heighten her natural beauty.

And a beauty she was. Tifa had told him that Marlene had a pack of male followers and admirers that came into the Seventh Heaven every night to flirt with her as she shuttled drinks around the room and cleaned tables. Denzel, it seemed, was among that number. But Marlene wasn't going out with any of the guys. She kept them dangling, but never outright accepted their proposals for dates. And they _still _kept coming around with the hopes that she would choose one of them.

So not only was she beautiful, she was also damn smart.

Where had the time gone? It seemed like only yesterday she had been riding her first chocobo. Now she was zooming around town on her own motorcycle, a gift from Cloud when she turned fifteen and got her license. Barret could remember giving her stuffed animals and shiney new toys for her birthdays. Those cherished presents had been replaced with things like new clothes or jewelry or makeup, which she was currently laying out on the table as she opened her gifts.

What had happened to his little girl?

Marlene caught his eye as she thanked Denzel for his present, and she threw her father a happy smile.

And Barret had his answer.

His little girl was still there. She was just in the body of a woman now.

_Sweet 16 today  
She's looking like her mama a little more everyday  
One part woman, the other part girl.  
To perfume and make-up from ribbons and curls  
Trying her wings out in a great big world._

Sitting down in the bar with a bottle of whiskey and a shotglass, Barret was reminiscing over the time that had gone by. Marlene was growing up quickly, and she was still his only child. He had tried to woo Elymra a few times, just because Marlene loved the woman and she would probably make a good mother. But Elymra had turned him down each time with a kind word and a gentle "thank-you, but I'm not interested in a relationship right now."

So his legacy would lie in two areas: oil production, and a daughter that wasn't genetically his.

Funny how things worked out.

"Dad?" He looked up to see Marlene standing at the entrance to the stairs, wrapped in a blue terrycloth robe.

"What are still doin' up? Aren't you supposed to be in bed?" he asked.

She shrugged and joined him at the bar, sliding onto the stool beside him. "Zach and Aeria won't shut up. I couldn't get to sleep."

Zach and Aeria were Cloud and Tifa's twin brats, only about nine years old. Due to the cramped space above the bar, the twins had to share Marlene's room. Once they got a little older, Zach would be moving into Denzel's room.

"So... Nice party," Barret said, swishing some whiskey around in his glass and downing it. Marlene shrugged again, playing with her hair. "Some'in wrong?"

"Dad... How upset would you be if I said I had a boyfriend?"

The question surprised him. He mulled it over for a moment before replying. "Depends on the boyfriend. Who is he?"

"Denzel." Marlene looked at him with guarded eyes. Secretive eyes. "Cloud and Tifa don't know."

"Why haven't you told no one?" Barret asked, digesting the news. Denzel was okay with him. The boy knew what he would do to him if he ever touched his daughter.

"I don't know."

"You ain't doin' nothin' with him, are you?"

Marlene glared at her father. "_No_. That stuff waits until marriage."

That word sent a shiver up Barret's spine. He was just remembering what a sweet little girl she had been, and now she was talking about _marriage?_ What happened?! And more importantly, when had Marlene gotten so moody and defensive?

"Why you so defensive allavuh sudden?" he asked. "It's my job as your daddy to wonder..."

"Why are you being a father now?" she demanded. "You're never _here. _Cloud is more of a father than you've ever been!"

Barret was speechless. His daughter had never spoken to him like this before.

She made a disgusted noise, then abruptly stood up. "Night, _Dad_." She made certain to emphasize the term of respect. Then she disappeared upstairs. Barret remained on his stool, listening to her footsteps creak across the ceiling towards the back of the bar. Problem was, Marlene's room was in the _opposite _direction, towards the front of the bar.

Denzel's room was in the back of the upper level.

_But I remember  
Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer; sticking  
little white flowers all up in her hair.  
"You know how much I love you, Daddy, But if you  
don't mind I'm only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time."  
With all that I've done wrong I must have done  
something right to deserve her love every morning  
and butterfly kisses at night_.

Time passed, and Barret didn't get to see his daughter so often. The oil wells needed his attention, especially now that Cid and Shera had their own brood of needy offspring to occupy the majority of their time. He was lucky to see Marlene twice a year, so busy was his schedule. And when he did get to see her, the visits always went one of two ways. Either Marlene picked a fight over his constant absence, or she was the same sweet girl from his memories. The two sides of his daughter never seemed to intercross; it was always one or the other.

But no matter which one surfaced during his visits, it was indisputable that Marlene was growing apart from him. She either ignored him if she was feeling moody, or acted polite but distracted, obviously wanting to go and spend time out with Denzel, if she was in a good mood.

But he kept trying. Marlene was his daughter, and he didn't want to lose her. He called her every night he could, spoke to her over the phone. He sent her gil sometimes, along with some kind of heartfelt note telling her how he was and asking what her day was like.

Usually she answered. Sometimes, she didn't.

Barret knew it was a fact of life that as your children grew up, they also grew apart from you.

But that knowledge didn't make it any less painful for the busy man.

_All the precious time  
Like the wind, the years go by.  
Precious butterfly.  
Spread your wings and fly._

Time really had snuck up on him. He could remember Marlene's 16th birthday like it was only yesterday. And now she was twenty-five, and she was getting married. To Denzel.

Where had the years gone?

Barret had managed to wheedle his way into the bridal room, after Tifa and Yuffie had helped Marlene into her dress. The young woman was currently adding the finishing touches to her makeup, examining her hair, etc. Not paying a lick of attention to her old man.

Which made Barret twice as uncomfortable as he had been when he had first come in here. Yuffie and Tifa had left to go put on their bridesmaid's dresses, leaving him alone with his daughter. This was not how he had envisioned this day to go. He had always thought that he would be on good speaking terms with Marlene, that she would not be getting married due to a mixture of love and unexpected pregnancy. And yet, here she was.

He heaved a sigh, causing Marlene to turn around and look at him. "What's wrong?"

"It's nice to hear you actually talk to me for once," he replied, staring at the floor.

"What do you mean?"

"Marlene, you ain' been speakin' to me lately. Just be nice to have my little girl back, that's all."

He heard soft footsteps, and then a snow-white skirt came into his field of vision. Marlene took his hands and knelt down in front of him, her brown eyes wide. "Is that what you think? That you lost me?"

Barret's silence said everything.

Her slim fingers tightened on his human hand. "Daddy, you never lost me. I was having some problems. But they're fixed now." She looked down. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take it out on you."

Barret reached his metal hand out to cup her chin, raising her head to look at him. "Marlene, it wasn't your fault. I was a bad father. Still am. You had a right to be mad."

She smiled. "A bad father wouldn't be here with me now, would he?" Before he could reply, she fell into his arms and hugged him tightly. "I'm so glad you could make it, Daddy."

_She'll change her name today.  
She'll make a promise and I'll give her away.  
Standing in the bride-room just staring at her.  
She asked me what I'm thinking and I said "I'm not  
sure-I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl."  
_

He had missed so much of her life. But he suddenly realized that he had been there for all the big moments. Her birthdays, the holidays, graduation...

And now, her wedding.

All the most important events in her life had not been spent with Cloud and Tifa, nor with Denzel. They had all been spent with him. The father who had never been there for her. Barret had always thought that she held that against him, but the truth was that she didn't. Marlene's anger had only come from teenage angst and rebellion. Not from anything Barret had done.

Here, in his arms, was the proof of her love for her father.

Marlene had done many things in the years since he had adopted her. But one of those things had never been to stop loving him. As much as she had grown, she would always be his little girl in white dresses and pink hairbows, showing adults where they were wrong with sweetly childish actions and talking to Aerith before she went to sleep.

Getting back to her feet, Marlene got to her feet and gave him another smile. "It's time for the ceremony, Daddy. Ready to go?"

The gun-arm took a deep breath, then got up and offered her his arm. "Let's go, Marlene.

_She leaned over...gave me butterfly kisses with her mama there,  
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair  
"Walk my down the aisle, Daddy-it's just about time."  
"Does my wedding gown look pretty, Daddy? Daddy, don't cry!"_

The culmination of years of work and worry was standing at the front of the church, opposite her groom and flanked by Tifa and Yuffie on one side, Cloud and Reno on the other. Alastra, the youngest addition to the Strife family, was playing flower-girl; Yuffie's son, a boy with a strong resemblence to Reno named Raize, was carrying the rings behind his suspected father. Barret couldn't remember ever feeling so proud of her for following her heart like this, baby aside. Things hadn't gone as smoothly as he would have liked, but everything had turned out all right in the end. Marlene had grown up happy and healthy, and loved. And soon, Barret would be a grandfather, it would be Denzel's chance to try his hand at being a father.

He hadn't spent as much time with her as he would have liked, but it was still nice to pass the torch on to someone else.

Later on that night, as he danced with his daughter, he reflected on how good it was to be retired from the oil business. Now he could be here the rest of the time, and try to get things right with his grandchildren.

He hadn't been there for Marlene as much as he would have liked, but he would be there for his grandchildren now. And for her as well.

Maybe he was a good father after all.

_Oh, with all that I've done wrong I must have  
done something right.  
To deserve your love every morning and butterfly  
kisses-I couldn't ask God for more, man this is what love is. __I know I gotta let her go, but I'll always remember  
every hug in the morning and butterfly kisses. _


	4. You Deserve Better CloTi ReTi

**Summary: **Cloud loves Tifa, but he knows she deserves someone better. He isn't worthy, not after all the things he's done to her, all the ways he's hurt her. And when Tifa leaves after he refuses to accept her love, he is left alone with only his memories.

**Disclaimer: **Hinder owns this song. I'm just borrowing it from them.

**Queen's Quornor: **I originally intended for this song to be about Sephiroth and Tifa, but when I looked over the lyrics it occured to me that Cloud fits the male part better than Seph. I'll just have to find another song for the SephTi pairing. The Zafa pairing, too; I haven't been able to find a fitting song for my favorite non-canon pairing yet. So here's the flip side of the CloTi pairing, when Cloud's guilt gets mixed up with his genuine feelings for Tifa. It's meant to be sad, and while most of these songfics are not in any way connected, this one precedes and follows 'Final Lullaby'. It's Cloud's side of the story, before and after Tifa starts seeing Reno. So if your memory of that sequence of events is shaky, I'd suggest going back and reading it again. Anyway, let's hope this one meets standards.

You Deserve Better

"Cloud, I love you! Why can't you accept that?"

The spike-haired swordsman flinched at the emotion behind his lover's words, but he still did not turn to look at her. "Tifa, I can't because I don't feel the same way."

He could feel her despairing, disbelieving gaze burning a hole into his back. "You don't mean that."

He said nothing.

"Then why did you keep telling me that whenever we were in bed? Why did you tell me that on my birthday last week? You never say anything you don't mean!"

"People always say things they don't mean when they're having sex," he replied tonelessly.

Cloud heard her get up from the bed and dress, forced himself to keep looking out the window at the storm-drenched streets. If he turned around, she would be able to see his emotions. And he couldn't let that happen. He had to be cruel to be kind.

"So that's it, then? You were lying to me all this time."

He nodded, praying that she wouldn't see him swallow.

"I guess... All these years, you never really changed, did you?" Tifa approached him, hesitated, and then walked away towards the door. Cloud heard her stop after she opened the portal, probably turning to look at him. "I tried to give you a chance, but... I can't wait around for you anymore. I'm sorry, Cloud."

The door closed behind her, and Cloud's sharp ears picked up her quiet, choked sobs as she forced herself to walk away from his room. But he did not go to her. He had to make her hate him, move on with her life. Find somebody who could treat her right and love her as she deserved to be loved.

Still watching the storm, he didn't even realize that he was crying until the tears landed on his arms.

_**I think you can do much better than me  
After all the lies that I made you believe  
Guilt kicks in and I start to see  
The edge of the bed  
Where your nightgown used to be  
**_

Tifa left their shared apartment after that, moved out back into the rooms above her 7th Heaven. Cloud had been out on a delivery when she left, and now that he paced through his rooms, realizing how _empty _his apartment looked without her things. The drawers emptied and hanging out, her makeup cluttering up the top of his dresser, the scent of her vanilla-lavender bodywash absent from the bathroom...

He was so used to her being there, to all the little things she had added and done to his pad, that when he saw it without them it almost seemed that the apartment didn't belong to him at all. This was someone else's home, not his. His apartment was full of _Tifa_.

But she was gone now. And no matter how badly he wanted to go to the bar and tell her how much he loved her, beg her to come back home with him, he didn't. He didn't deserve her love, not after all the things he had done to her. Lying to her to the point that even he believed his lies and forgot his past, abandoning her without a single explanation, disappointing her again and again and again...

He didn't deserve a woman like her.

_**I told myself I won't miss you  
But I remember  
What it feels like beside you  
I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
**_

Flipping over, he tried to find a comfortable position so he could go to sleep. But Morpheus eluded his every attempt at capture, and Cloud knew full well why he was having such a hard time finding rest.

For two years now, he had been falling asleep with Tifa wrapped in his arms, spooned against his front. He couldn't remember the last time he had not woken up smelling her hair, the strawberry shampoo she used. Oftentimes he would remain in bed long after he had woken up, just breathing in her scent and enjoying the feel of her body against his.

Now that she was gone, it was just he and himself again. And thus he was unable to sleep.

Grabbing the other pillow, he turned onto his side and curled up around it, closing his eyes and pretending that it was her instead of a lump of cotton and feathers. This had been Tifa's pillow; he could smell the faintest hint of strawberries. Breathing deeply of the cherished scent, he snuggled deeper beneath the covers and closed his eyes, knowing that eventually he would have to break himself of the need to sleep with her beside him.

But not yet.

He wasn't strong enough to take that much away from himself yet.

_**And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me**_

She was always so faithful, waiting for him long after any other woman would have given up. She had kept faith in their promise, the one made just before he left for SOLDIER, forgiven him so easily for lying to her and all the others about his past.

Chance after chance, time after time. She had never abandoned hope that he would come around to her.

But now she would. Cloud had made sure of that.

He was not the man for her, no matter how much his heart ached whenever he thought of her. She would move on and find somebody better, someone who would never dream of abandoning her like that, for his own selfish needs.

He told himself it was for the best.

So why did he find himself wishing she was with him now, held tightly in his arms like she belonged there?

_**While looking through your old box of notes  
I found those pictures I took  
That you were looking for  
If there's one memory I don't want to lose  
That time at the mall  
You and me in the dressing room**_

All of the snapshots of them together had been left behind when she moved out. Cloud couldn't find a single one missing. They were spread out before him now on his table, where he could see them. A quartet of film taken in a photobooth, with Tifa making silly faces while he smirked, trying not to laugh. He had succeeded until the very last one, when she had tickled his knee, making him burst out laughing. Her triumphant smile, his closed eyes and open, upturned mouth were captured for all eternity on that strip of film.

Tifa had treasured that one. But here it was, left behind and abandoned.

Along with so many others. Images of them together, or alone. Him on the couch, watching television with a cold beer and no shirt, his skin slick and shiny with sweat. A memento of the heat wave Edge had been under last summer. Tifa curled up in the ratty old armchair, reading a book on ninjutsu. Them together on a blanket, watching fireworks during the annual Midsummer celebration, a picture Yuffie had taken from her hiding place behind them. Even without the flash, Cloud could just make out his arm around the martial artist's waist, and remembered how they had entwined their free hands together while they watched the colorful flashes in the sky. Pictures of them and the rest of AVALANCHE, along with some shots of them with the Turks. Tifa's favorite had been the picture she had snapped when Reno had unexpectedly leapt onto Cloud's back, linking his arms around his neck and his legs around his waist. The picture had captured his stunned expression, the dawning annoyance beginning to cross his features, Reno's wide, playful grin at the moment of the pounce.

Then there were their private photos, the ones for their eyes alone. There were pictures of them alone on the bed or on the couch or standing up somewhere, posing in various states of undress, if not wholly naked. These had been in an album, but Cloud had taken them all out so he could see them together.

He picked up a picture of Tifa coiled up on his bed, her long hair falling loose and free around her body, her breasts just peeking out from between chocolate strands. The love in her eyes was palpable even through in the film, reaching out and spearing his heart from the image in his hand.

That emotion had always been there, every single time he looked at her. When he came home from deliveries, when they went out for dinner somewhere, even that time he had snuck into the dressing room with her at the clothing store. Even when she was annoyed with him, the love had always been there in her eyes.

Cloud's arm flashed out, sweeping the accumulated memories to the floor before he could stop himself. His elbows clunked down on the wooden tabletop, and hands were suddenly cradling his head, hiding his face from the world while he gave into his self-inflicted heartbreak.

_**I told myself I won't miss you  
But I remember  
What it feels like beside you  
I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me**_

Tifa would never realize that Cloud watched her sometimes, wearing a hooded jacket to conceal his identity in the event that she would turn around and see him. For months after their breakup, he stood outside 7th Heaven, unable to bring himself to set foot in her domain because he was afraid of what he might say or do.

So he just stood outside in the cold, shivering softly while she worked inside where it was nice and warm, surrounded by happy, chattering people. A silent guardian, a heart-broken man.

The kids didn't seem to miss him. Of course, they still came over to his apartment and hung out with him, so that really wasn't as bad as it seemed. They had long since gotten used to him not living with them anymore. Shelke was who they were used to now; the former Tsviet had been Tifa's live-in babysitter after she had moved in with him. Surprisingly, the young lady had been very good at dealing with Denzel and Marlene.

She was in there now, shuttling drinks around the room right alongside Tifa. Giving her a bit of breathing room.

Room that was currently being utilized so Tifa could talk to Reno.

Cloud had noticed that the redheaded Turk had been coming around to 7th Heaven more and more often, sometimes as much as twice a day. And Tifa seemed to be encouraging him, enjoying his attention. They were flirting right now, the young woman leaning on the bar with her head resting on one hand, Reno tracing the knuckles of her other hand with one long finger, his drink virtually untouched. He said something, and Tifa giggled, then replied with something. Whatever the reply had been, it had to have been good; Reno was grinning like the cat that ate the canary.

Cloud felt his jealousy rising, and roughly squashed it. He had broken up with her; he had _wanted _her to move on and find somebody else. And she obviously had, exactly as he had hoped.

He forced himself to walk away, every step more difficult than the last.

He had no right to be jealous.

_**The bed I'm lying in is getting colder  
Wish I never would've said it's over  
And I can't pretend... I won't think about you when I'm older  
Cause we never really had our closure  
This can't be the end**_

Sleep wasn't cooperating again.

Cloud stared up at the ceiling, his arms behind his head, lost in his thoughts. Reno and Tifa were officially together now; he had seen them kissing outside Johnny's Heaven earlier.

He knew it was what he had wanted, what he had hoped for, but that didn't make it any less painful.

The swordsman knew he loved her. He had stopped fighting the emotions that always bubbled up whenever he thought of her, whenever he saw her. Deserving or not, he loved her. And now that she had moved on, he found himself unable to do the same.

He had been able to get on with his life after Aerith had been killed, but that was different. Despite being her bodyguard, and the mix-up of identity between himself and Zack, he hadn't truly loved her. It was a crush, or fondness, or _something_. But nothing like what he felt for Tifa.

She was with Reno, but he was still alone. And he knew in his heart of hearts that this is not how it was meant to be. She was meant for him, and he for her. Soul-mates. Destiny. Whatever people wanted to call it.

But it was too late now. She would never accept him back, not after he had hurt her so badly. Not after she had finally gotten over him and started seeing someone else. She had wasted so many years chasing after him; Cloud knew she wasn't strong enough to risk the same thing again.

He turned onto his stomach and buried his face in the pillow. Sometimes if you really love someone, it's just better to let them go.

_**I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me **_

Standing over her grave, he found himself unable to stop the tears rolling down his cheeks. This, too, was his fault. If he hadn't seduced her, both she and Reno would still be alive.

He had always been a harbinger of pain and sorrow in Tifa's life. Even after he had told himself that he would stay out of it.

Why had he seduced her in the first place? He had told her, told himself, that it was for old time's sake. That he just had to have her one last time, before she became exclusively Reno's.

Well, he had had her, all right. And that one time had ended up destroying her future. Tifa may have taken her own life, but he was still the one responsible for her suicide. Her blood was on his hands, no matter what the others said.

"I know I said you deserved better than me, Tifa," he whispered. "But I never meant for this to happen. Never."

His friends would never be able to forgive him. He couldn't even forgive himself. Not for this, the death of the woman he loved.

He turned away from the graves and walked to his bike. Fenrir had already been packed, and was ready to go. He was only taking things he truly valued with him. The photographs, for example.

His destination? Somewhere alone, far from people. Cloud didn't want to risk hurting anybody else, including his friends. It would be better for everyone if he just disappeared.

His heart had died with Tifa. So if he was hurting anyone by vanishing like this, he truly didn't care. There was no reason for him to not be selfish anymore. And he just couldn't stay strong and pretend that nothing had happened. His strength was gone too.

Mounting the bike, he reached into his pocket and took out his phone. Not even watching, he threw it away to the side, uncaring of where it landed. That done, he hit the gas and took off for parts unknown.

With any luck, something would attack him and put him out of his misery. Where that to happen, Cloud was willing to just sit and let it happen, rather than defend himself.

Dying would be easier than living with this pain.

Without his love, his Tifa.

Alone.


End file.
